Confession Of a Selfish Heart

I wrote this last summer. I confess it's a hard one to share:

I read Todd W.'s blog today. He is our youth pastor, someone I really admire. It spurred me on to write about something I learned recently about "Who Am I?"
A few weeks ago a deacon from our church extended an invitation to a grieving family to have Peace host a funeral for their son who had died suddenly in a tragic accident. They didn't have a church family & must have wanted a church service. A kind offer, one I whole-heartedly agreed with, & was even pleased we could help in any way possible.

But---that meant Comfort & Care would be involved. My friend L. & I coordinate C&C. L. was going out of town for her first weekend away all summer, which left me to make sure things were put into motion.
It was a holiday weekend. I had finagled a day off & thought of all the things I wanted to do with "my" time--especially a bike ride with family:).
A fellow C&C friend offered to organize the Reception meal; a wonderful gesture, a God send! Lord, I vote she gets stars in her crown for this one:)

But, my heart was definitely divided, &, all the while, I hated feeling that way. But that dark heart made me count the hours I'd be involved.
Here was a family suffering through the WORST thing a parent can face--the death of a child/a young man & I'm hoping to get home by noon:(

Enfolding this family in such a way (by our pastor leading the funeral service & C&C preparing a light reception) was such a comfort to them.

Friends brought in enough food to feed an army (& that was added to the food D. had gathered & bought), even enough Caribou Coffee for an army! So amazing, such love for this young man who lost his life so suddenly.

As I served tea & soft drinks, the family & friends of K. blessed me time after time with testimonies of their son, brother, cousin, friend, co-worker. I wish I had known K. I cried for him & all those who will forever miss him.

We didn't get home till mid afternoon. Our bike ride didn't happen. Hubby & I were bushed. Emotionally exhausted:(

So, you ask, "who am I"?
I am a miserable sinner the Lord uses in spite of myself, in spite of my selfishness. He wouldn't let me get away with being self-absorbed this time.
That is a redeeming thought--to realize God can minister through us no matter what we're focused on, no matter if we're selfish to the core, no matter how reluctant we serve.

I wish I had gone into K.'s Reception with a tender heart, full of love for this aching family.
I mean, that's what counts in life, what we do with each day for those around us, not what each day holds for me, me, me!
Thank God for His redeeming power.

And J. & H., I am so glad you wanted a church funeral for your son, & that you allowed Peace to be part of God's comfort to you.
We are all the better for it.
God is our Comforter, Hallelujah!

And our Redeemer.

A Trial In Our Community

      (Photo of downtown Raleigh)

This week I've entered another world.
I've spent two days, Tuesday & Thursday,  in downtown Raleigh, sitting in a very chilly Wake County Courthouse courtroom watching a sorrowful, convoluted, sordid story unfold.
If you read this 'novel', you would not believe it.
And there's more to come.....

Almost two years ago a precious family from our church suffered a great tragedy--their 17 year old Eagle Scout son was murdered. Not only murdered, but killed by 4 'friends'. Not only murdered by friends, these people were high schoolers. And not only just any local high schoolers, they were attending the high school 1/2 mile from me--where my kids spent their high school years. This group of kids hung out at the Plaza where I work. One of the boys, the one on trial right now, worked 4 stores down from where I work. The plot was discussed & hatched all around my 'world'--Target & Lowe's, Wendy's, Blockbuster's across US 64 from me, etc.

It's hard to wrap my mind around all this---the manipulation, the deception, the lack of responsibility, the cruelness, the lack of remorse, the lack of truth, the lack of adult supervision/concern....should I go on?
Drugs, jealousy, romance, sex, depression, all here.
All of this from children.

But, at the same time, I simply can't separate the pity I feel for these teenagers. They lived in a world they perceived as hopeless. I have no clue what their family dynamics were, but I sensed from their testimonies most of them felt unloved & outcast, that no one cared for them. So they clung to one another, trusted one another even when it was foolish to do so.
Now, in 2010, as their trials begin, these teenagers have been living in jail about two years. Makes me ill to think they are living daily in a place of oppression & darkness within our prison system, trapped in a world of evil begetting evil.
(I fear we've failed at restoration & rehabilitation in our penal system in the 21st century)
What desperation.

Lord, help us comfort our friends & remember the dear son & brother that died.

Lord, help us not to forget these sad children & their families whose lives will forever be changed--& pray for hope & redemption.

September

"Summer is already better, but the best is autumn.

It is mature, reasonable and serious, it glows
moderately and not frivolously ... It cools down,
clears up, makes you reasonable ..." 


Valentin






(Photo taken on the Erwin-Dunn Rails to Trails)

A Sweet September Sunday Afternoon Ride

Sunday afternoon Keith & I drove an hour south to the town of Erwin where we met longtime friends of ours, Larry & Katie, to ride the Rails to Trails bike route from Erwin to Dunn & back.

After suffering a summer of extreme heat & humidity, this Labor Day Weekend has offered welcome relief weather wise, with low humidity & temps:)! Perfect weather to be outside biking:)

Keith found this trail online, but the critique comments were from a year to two years ago, so we really had no idea what we'd find, especially since a few of the comments were negative. But, we were ready for an adventure, & it was close to Larry & Katie's home located in Johnston County.

We had a grand time!
The trail was perfect for our group. It was pretty flat overall, paved with fine gravel.
We did have to pedal most of the way--not hard pedaling & few gear changes, but a medium workout. Round trip was 11 miles including a slight detour through part of Dunn to Arby's to get a cold drink & a light supper before heading back to Erwin.

We passed cotton fields & soybean fields, crossed over a few paved back roads with almost no traffic, & forded the Black River. Lovely, lovely, NC scenery--wispy clouds in the blue sky, a breeze now & then, & plenty of peace & quiet in green farm country.

A sweet time on a September afternoon with friends just beginning retirement & adjusting to less time constraints; all of us looking forward to spending more days together biking, visiting,  becoming re-acquainted again:)

And we gladly recommend the Erwin-Dunn Trail for a peaceful bike ride with friends or family:)