Remembering

 
Yesterday I received the final paperwork to sign and mail to finish my mama's estate. I knew the legal things were coming to a close, plus the Stewart Reunion is Sunday (Mama's family), so she's been on my mind.
Also recently I came across 2 letters she had written sometime during her first two years at Carolina House Assisted Living. (She liked to write and was good at it) I had stashed them in my pocket after discovering them in her room on one of my visits.
They are sad.
I cried when I first read them (& probably the second & third time too).
But they give our family some idea of what the dark night of Alzheimer's Disease was like for Mama. She never understood why her mama never came to see her (her mama died in the mid 1970's) and why she couldn't go home.

"Sunday P.M.
Dear Mama: I want to come home and it seems that you don't want me any more.
I don't know why but I want you to tell me why you're turned against me so.
I'm the same girl you raised and could be a help now you know, if I just knew why you turned against me so.
I have raised two nice daughters and we all should be together and I think Lindsay {our baby brother} should be with us too.
But you have turned against me so bad that I can't figure out why and I think you should tell me especially.
So send the reason WHY, if you really have a good reason and tell me why.
I have only love for you as you've been good and kind to me up to recently, until now.
With love, your daughter, Catherene"

"Sunday:
Dear Mama:
It's time for me to go home. So please ask Lindsay to come for me right away, if possible. Tell him I'll pay him when I get home. I think I've got enough in the bank. If not I'll try to get money from mama, et.: been nice up here but the Sandhills seem good after a long visit and I'm ready for home now. If he'd rather, I'd be glad for him to drive up here for me.
I've enjoyed it but it's time for the Sandhills now-and maybe Lindsay would enjoy it in the mountains. Anyway it's time for me to get back to the Sandhills.
So please, I'm ready for home and , nice as it's been, Catherene is ready for home! Please!
Vass, NC RFD"